Dreaming Awake

     "What would happen if I died, right here and now?". I would have lost a future for myself. I wanted to get married, have kids, and maybe a dog. I would have loved to have a girl named Cecilia. She would have long black hair with a small curl at the end. I would give her his straw sun hat with a blue ribbon tied upon its head and take a picture of her with it on in a field of sun flowers. She would smile at me and twirl around with her lovely blue dress on. One that looked like it came out of the Victorian era with white laces and a corset. She could say "I love you mommy" all she wants and hug me with her small arms. My husband would be none other than a boy from my childhood. Antonio, 1 year my senior. He has green crystal eyes and short spiked blonde hair. I remember back when I was only in seventh grade and trying to make my way through life. Back then, I had no idea of his name other than it sounded like "Anthony". Turns out he was Italian. Thus, I called him as such and to this day, have been the only one to call him that. One day, this person in my class with the same name had antagonized me and I screamed out "I hate you Anthony!" and just as I was about to say that boys last name, Antonio ran past me with a basket ball in his hand. he turned around when he got a fair distance. I never even knew he went to the same school as I did. I usually only saw him at church. The way he looked that day was a face I would never forget. The skin on his brow had crushed slightly and his eyes wide open. His lips were partially open and I could even see his two front teeth. He never talked to me again afterward. To this day, I would think about him. I believe that it was all too late for me and him but I was still passionately in love with that boy. Even now, I am still infatuated with the mere memories he left with me. I wish he, Cecilia and I could buy an island and stay there together forever, just the three of us. That is impossible now. My love now believes I despise him and Cecilia will never be born. Antonio now has moved on and I still live within the walls of the past. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. Another night gone by, another thought crossed along. Either way, this thought will never be forgot.